Codependency isn’t a new subject. Unfortunately, it’s become something of a buzzword in everything from psychology to marriage counseling. However, while many people understand the basic definition of a codependent relationship, fewer have an understanding of a codependent triangle.
A codependent triangle comprises three roles; rescuers, persecutors, and victims.
Rescuers see themselves as helpers in the relationship. They need someone to take care of and rarely see themselves as victims. Persecutors often identify themselves as victims, but they are usually in denial when it comes to how they place blame on others. Victims often feel like they are fragile and weak and can’t do anything for themselves.
Still, understanding the basics of these roles might not be enough. How can you tell if you’re in a codependent triangle? Let’s cover a few telltale signs.
1. You Have Difficulty Making Decisions
If you’re a persecutor or victim, you might find that your decision-making abilities fall to others. As a victim, you might see yourself as too weak to be in control of your own decisions. As a persecutor, you might get defensive if your decisions come back to bite you, so you’d rather not make them.
2. You’re Unsure of Your Feelings
It’s not uncommon for individuals in a codependent triangle to struggle with identifying their true feelings. Emotions always demand to be felt. However, that doesn’t mean you’ll always understand them.
If you’re uncertain of your feelings, it can cause you to become codependent. You’ll be more likely to play the victim as you rely on your partner’s feelings to speak for you. You might also lack trust in yourself because you’re so unsure of your feelings. If you don’t know how to decipher your emotions, you’re not going to trust them.
3. There Are Communication Issues
Communication is a key component of any successful relationship. While it’s not uncommon for couples to have some communication issues, the ones that arise in a codependent triangle are pretty distinct.
Depending on your partner’s role, you might find you have difficulty communicating effectively. For example, if you’re a rescuer, you might spend a lot of time focusing on your partner’s needs without addressing your own.
On the other hand, if you’re a victim, you might not spend much time listening to your partner. Listening is just as important as being open and honest with yourself. Without both sides, there will be a block in your communication, and you will find it harder to be completely vulnerable with each other.
4. Fear of Abandonment
Do you feel like you need your partner in your life, or you can’t go on? Are you constantly on edge that they’ll leave you, and that’s why you easily fall into a victim role?
No one wants the person they love to leave, but if it becomes an obsession, it could damage your relationship more than you might think. Everyone needs and deserves personal space without having the weight of someone else’s needs on their shoulders.
5. A Need for Approval
In addition to worrying about abandonment, it’s not uncommon for victims and even persecutors to need approval. Victims, especially, might feel worthless if they don’t receive praise or approval from their partner or others around them.
Whether you identify as any of these roles or you’re with someone who does, it’s essential to understand the basics of a codependent triangle.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to break free from these roles in your relationships. If you’re worried they’re impacting you or someone you care about, feel free to contact me for more information.
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